I've discovered a band called Cookie Crotch Nuts. It's unlike anything I've ever heard. It's all that I listen to now. I no longer need my other music.
I'm getting rid of everything. So far I've burned my Bieber, trashed The Clash and souffléd my Bublé.
I said vamanos to Derek and the Dominos, take a hikell to George Michael and good day to Green Day.
I filled blenders with the Pretenders, put Queen in the latrine and fired The Sex Pistols.
I tossed Barenaked Ladies on Elton John and poured Ice T on Meat Loaf.
I shoved Alice Cooper up your pooper and threw Billy Squier into Earth Wind and Fire.
I took a Crowbar to Pat Benatar and took a pith on my Aerosmith.
I put Blue Oyster Cult in a catapult and gave Deep Purple a purple nurple.
I have no more joneses for the Ramoneses.
I fed The Eagles to a Flock of Seagulls and told Simply Red to drop dead.
I fed Def Leppard to Kenny Wayne Shepherd and Mötley Crüe to a Hüsker Dü. They drooled on my Jewel and dropped dog turds on my Yardbirds.
I Chucked Berry and Buckcherry into Hole with Billy Joel and Dave Grohl.
I locked up the Police and gave my Allman Brothers to your babies' Mothers.
I threw my KISS in a puddle of piss and told Styx to hit the bryx.
I crashed The Cars and The Jefferson Airplane into The Screaming Trees.
I took my 38 Special 3 Doors Down and took Alanis Morissette to the Dream Theater.
I put ELO, ELP, BTO and STP on a UFO.
I cooked Steely Dan in a frying pan and sent Supertramp to summer camp.
I tossed Tool in a pool and piled Iggy Pop into a Uriah Heep.
I told Motorhead to go to bed, Depeche Mode to suck a choad and System of a Down to System of a Don't.
I dropped a poo on U2 while getting blumpkins from the Smashing Pumpkins.
I put smears on Tears for Fears while wiping dingleberries on The Cranberries.
And I put the kibosh on Peter Tosh, No Doubt
If you're still reading this then you... wait, you're still reading this? No Way Really? OK OK Cool, well I'm serious, check out this band!
It's not safe for work. It's not safe for home. It's not safe for anywhere really but it's awesome!
You can stream their music right off the titnology at cookiecrotchnuts.com ...but I strongly recommend buying
the CDs and cranking it up in your hoopdie... or take it back to the hizzle and slide it into that Sansui/Marantz rig.
Thank me later.